I recently visited a downtown development nonprofit in a local small town. The executive director told a story about how, within the first couple months of his job, a local church informed the community that they were going to take down one of their historic buildings in order to add parking. The new director was forced to launch a campaign to save the building. The episode caused a lot of pain in the community, and the building was lost.
Since downtown organizations are continually facing conflicts about all sorts of issues, including development pressures, I thought I would share with you some of the principles of conflict management taught to me by the Orange County Dispute Settlement Center in North Carolina.
Staff of the Dispute Settlement Center of Orange County, NC
Positions vs interests
A lot of times we argue from a set-in-stone position instead of an underlying issue. An example would be two people arguing about whether a window should be open or shut in a room.
Position 1: The window needs to be closed.
Position 2: The window needs to be open.
Interest 1: Raising the temperature of the room.
Interest 2: Keeping pollen out of the room.
Granted, this is a springtime example that I am giving you in the middle of winter, but you can remember what spring was like, can’t you? I believe this example came from Getting to Yes, by Roger Fisher and William Ury. Once you look at the problem from an interest standpoint, you can come up with an easy solution that solves both party’s problems in a spirit of collaboration.
Solution: Raise the thermostat.
This is assuming that neither party has an interest to keep the planet viable, which happens a lot.
“I” messages vs “you” messages
Anyone who has ever been involved in a conflict will know that you can’t negotiate with someone by constantly pointing the finger back at them. If you do that, all they have to say is, “No, that’s not true,” and you don’t get anywhere. If instead, you focus on what your own thoughts and feelings are, then the other party is more inclined to listen.
Conflict management styles
Competing: Pursuing personal concerns at the expense of someone else.
Accommodating: Yielding to the other party’s point of view.
Avoiding: Not addressing the conflict.
Compromising: Seeking the middle ground.
Collaborating: Working together to come up with a solution that is pleasing to both parties.
Would you agree that collaborating is the desired conflict management style in most cases? However, the other styles have their appropriate uses. For example, you don’t want to collaborate with someone who does not want to get out of a burning building if they don’t want to go.
Perfection vs discovery
Perfection: We act as a judge. Things are black and white. Failure is seen as bad. This can lead to frustration.
Discovery: We act as a coach. You look for creative solutions. There is more of an attitude of acceptance. This can lead to fascination.
This is the tip of the iceberg. If you would like more information, feel free to contact me, or, particularly if you are local, the Orange County Dispute Settlement Center.
Tags: conflict, downtown development
